Twilight Rage

Well the sequel to the Twilight movie was released today proving once again that the movie industries don't care about making movies of books that are actually good (and when they do the fuck it up aka. Eragon)

My god these books are my pet hate. There not actually that bad. the problem is people treat it like its the greatest literery acheivement since the Bible (another great storybook). Let me tell you something. When you write, particularly when you write in fist person (as whoever the hell wrote these terrible books does) a reasonably large peice of your person is translated into your m,ain character. The better the writer you are the more original traits their are in your character. Now I'm against thinking that Stephanie Meyer (thanks google) is a good writer. If she was the books would be better. Which means a fair amount of her character is reflected in Bella. Perhaps a psycologist sould go to her house to talk about her deep self-asteem issues. Seriously Bella is the epitome of usless damselsin distress. Not since Princess Peach has a character in mainstream media been so ... shit.

The Vampires may as well be called magic sparklefairies for all they resemble actual vampires. I mean I'm all for putting your mark on a loved theme but I worry about the next generation which will think vampires "sparkle in the sunlight". That's not only ignoring most of the vampire lore its actually polarising it. (insert rage noise here)

Also whats with making all the Werewolves amd Vampires good guys? I mean perhaps Bella could fall in love with a crazed phycotic? That would at least be interesting.

My final point is a little sinister. do we want the most recent generation of teenage girls growing up thinking that the idea of a healthy relationship is one in which the guy has all the power? one in which when he leaves the girl attempts to commit suicide? Just not healthy. Just not healthy at all

And to counteract the anger of that entire post. Next tommorow, how penguins will take over the world using a combination of spaghetti and Ann Rice quotes.

'Characters!' cried Hero pausing for dramatic effect.
'For the last time we're NOT characters' cried the group of soldiers in front of him, 'we're your loyal soldiers'. 'riiiight' said Hero knowingly 'So anyway the plan is you all sacrifice your lives so I can sneak in the back and bravely rescue the princess!'.
There was silence for a second after this. Then a soldier spoke up, 'Thats a TERRIBLE plan'
'Yeah' said one of the other soldiers 'And it doesn't sound very heroic'
'Why do are we even saving the Princess' queried another 'she's a stupid bitch...'
'She made me stand in front of her closet every night for two months because she was afraid of the monster inside' complained yet a third 'And those we're the two months she was in Blandoland negotiating how often we should exchange our life insurance information'
"why we're we doing that anyway?' piped up another 'how can a country have life insur...'
'BEHOLD' screamed a thin and slightly pathetic sounding voice 'I AM THE GREAT WIZARD'
Silence
'the great wizard of...?' said someone finally.
'Nothing' said The Great Wizard 'just The Great Wizard', then continued in his epic speech 'Now as you know here in Stereotypica we believe very strongly in the keeping up appearances, it is in the spirit of these appearances that we have staged this kidnapping so the Hero may look heroic'
'Wait so its not even a real kidnapping?' asked one soldier but before he could be answered the unit commander spoke up 'Sir! Are you going to save all our lives with some powerful spell?'
'Yes' said the wizard 'now stand back. The air crackled with magic, their was a cheap looking flash of multicolored light (and by multicolored we mean green with a spattering of other colors) and there was a strong and rather specific smell of leftover porridge and bananas. When the light cleared the scene was exactly the same except that all the soldiers had been replaced by penguins.
'Oh for fu...'
'How is this supposed to help?'
'DO NOT FEAR!' cried the Hero joyfully 'your impediment will only make your sacrifice more noble!

Thats all I can be fucked writing for now. Tune in in the near future for more updates. Or not

Conversation with myself

Me: God why am I posting at 10:00?
Me again: Stop complaining at least you can sleep, just think you could become like that guy on Fight Club if you were an imsomniac
Me also: I do already have a split personality
As above: well at least you got through another day without using die to solve your problems
You get the message: I was tempted to ask those guys fighting what they thought their Weapon Skill and Strength was ...
Karthus, God tyrant of Jund: I RULE ALL DRAGONS
Me: good for you...be quiet now Karthus
Karthus, God tyrant of Jund: Okay
Me: Anywho what was I talking about?
Me: God Knows

If the UN achieves very little what is a MODEL UN supposed to achieve?

Well this was easy...
Seriously the internet is magic I was all like "I want to make a blog" and it was all like "sure also here is some porn to help you pass the time" It was really quite amazing. Anyway now I have a medium through witch I can tell my closest 5 billion friends all my crazed and diseased ideas. FEAR ME MORTALS FOR I SHALL BREAK THOU MIND! So come here for my nerdy and ill researched opinions on things. Or alternatively for a laugh...or penguins.

If I was a God I would be called Mirth and would amuse myself by creating warehouses full of penguins in peoples backyard regardless of how large the backyard or warehouse are...